Separations can be hard. There may be a lot of anger on both sides when a relationship ends, and it’s not unusual for those involved to want to express their frustration to their ex.

But when a child is involved, you need to process your feelings instead of carrying out actions that could put your child in a difficult position. Your child deserves to have two parents they can trust and count on. Even if your ex demonstrates terrible behavior toward you, that shouldn’t automatically undermine their relationship with their child.

Here are guidelines for proceeding through a civil child custody agreement negotiation. The more you can protect your child from your shared frustration, the better off your family will be. You will never regret taking the higher road.

Keeping the Custody Battle Civil

Civility will show your child that you can resolve disputes in a friendly and non-confrontational way. This is a valuable lesson for people of all ages. Keeping your custody battle civil may mean communicating largely through your mutual attorneys. Displaying too much emotion can lead to saying things you regret that can make the custody battle even harder.

Practice speaking civilly to your ex and think about areas that usually lead to conflict. Be ready with responses that will defuse rather than escalate your conflict.

For instance, if your ex tends to criticize your focus on your job, think about offering counterpoints to their complaint. You may point out that your job pays your child’s orthodontist bills or that you are working toward a career goal. Remaining calm even when you feel like screaming is more productive and won’t put the other person on the defensive.

Considering the Child’s Best Interest

Everything you do should focus on your child. That means making decisions that aren’t always best for yourself but rather benefit your child. Consider this example:

• Your child attends a private high school that you and your ex both desperately wanted the child to attend. Your ex moved out of the house and got their own place.
• The new place is closer to the high school than your house, which is 30 minutes away.
• It would take your child just two minutes to walk to school from your ex’s new house.

While you may be reluctant to surrender custody, it may be in the best interests of your child to allow them to stay weeknights with the other parent. Think about how their quality of life will improve if things aren’t so hectic in the morning.

Of course, in cases of domestic violence, your child’s best interest may be to get away from your ex. Your lawyer can advise you on the best way to handle this and protect your child.

Things to Avoid in Front of Your Child

One of the mistakes parents often make during custody battles is involving their child in any way. Talking badly about your ex in front of your child puts them in the middle of the conflict, which isn’t fair. This is a matter between adults and needs to be treated that way. You should avoid doing the following things in front of your child:

• Talking badly about an ex in front of your friends: Your child overhears what you say even when you think they aren’t paying attention. Save these comments for when you are alone with friends and away from your child.
• Asking your child about your ex: If you are having difficulty with custody and you want answers you aren’t getting from your ex, you may be tempted to ask your child about them. This puts your child in the middle, which will make them uncomfortable.
• Blaming your ex for your child’s behavior: A child whose parents have separated may act out or have behavior issues. This is natural. Don’t blame their behavior on your ex. Seeing a therapist may help everyone work out their issues.

Contact Rahaim, Saints & Walstrom Today

If you are involved in a child custody dispute, you need a lawyer who can represent your interests and help you obtain the most favorable child custody agreement. We have assisted many families just like yours throughout Delaware. We understand how to demonstrate your trustworthiness and show the judge why you deserve the larger share of custody. We won’t be intimidated by the other lawyer’s tactics, either.

Putting in place a child custody agreement that both sides believe in can make your separation much less dramatic and help your child move on through this trauma. The team at Rahaim, Saints & Walstrom always puts your best interests first. We welcome client contact and prioritize communication throughout your case. We know you have questions, and we’re always here to answer them.

Contact us today to set up an initial appointment with our staff. We look forward to meeting you.